Tired. So tired of being tired. May is Fibromyalgia Awareness month.

For years I have been tired. At first I attributed it to my mitral valve prolapse. Then I found out I have pernicious anemia, so I figured B12 would fix me. Still nope. Last fall I was in a terrible place and went to my family doc and told him something was wrong. Find out what it is! Long story short and a jillion tests later I got my diagnosis from the rheumatologist: Fibromyalgia. Chronic Fatigue. Vitamin D deficiency.

I've never been one to give much credence to these conditions. But brother, has my tune changed. I'm on medication, but I am in a "fibro fog" all the time, I'm so exhausted after work (and it isn't physical) and I live for 5 o'clock. And weekends. Can't forget weekends.

If only I could stay at home. Life would be so much simpler for me. When I can get adequate rest I am good. As it is, I hit a wall every few months and just can't go to work and have to stay in bed all day. Needless to say I am not happy living this way. This day and time it takes both of our incomes to get through the bills and responsibilities. It makes me so sad. My husband is so good to me. He is so very intelligent, well-educated and up until lately, pretty much under-employed. Our area just doesn't pay the big bucks unless you are a doctor, lawyer or Indian chief. But it still isn't enough for us to live comfortably without my income. When I think about slogging through another 5 1/2 years to retirement I could just cry.

Yes, I am terribly depressing today. Pouring my soul out onto a computer screen hoping it will somehow make me feel better about my situation. 

Might as well just quit dreaming of days as a homemaker, taking walks with my son, taking mother to doctor appointments and different places without worrying about taking time off from work, resting when I get tired, cooking good meals for my husband, keeping a clean house, and perhaps taking a water aerobics class and going to the spa pool to alleviate my pain. It isn't going to happen anytime soon.