Lesson in Forgiveness

This past week was filled with a lot of ups and downs. I did get some wonderful alone time with my hubby, something that comes too far and in between. But in the midst of this good time something happened that caused me great sadness. 

Have you ever been to the point that you were so embarrassed and humiliated that you just thought you would fall through the floor and die? And you blamed someone for it and were so angry and hurt that you thought you would never ever let go of it? Well I was there. For about 24 hours, I was so there. 

But then something very wonderful happened. I am a Christian, and I talk to God conversationally, not in the formal manner that is so stereotypical. In the middle of my (lengthy!) conversation with Him I asked him to please, please take the pain away. And just as clear as a bell He impressed upon me, "Forgive them". And I did. I let it go. My burden lifted, my heart was at peace and the anger and hurt were gone. Immediately.

But that's not the end. After much thought and prayer I went to this person who had brought me the pain. And you know what? We worked it all out. We discovered that God uses things like this to do work in us. Usually I have problems with forgiveness and stubbornly resist. I hold grudges. But thankfully this time God spoke and I listened. And when we listen, good things result.

Tired. So tired of being tired. May is Fibromyalgia Awareness month.

For years I have been tired. At first I attributed it to my mitral valve prolapse. Then I found out I have pernicious anemia, so I figured B12 would fix me. Still nope. Last fall I was in a terrible place and went to my family doc and told him something was wrong. Find out what it is! Long story short and a jillion tests later I got my diagnosis from the rheumatologist: Fibromyalgia. Chronic Fatigue. Vitamin D deficiency.

I've never been one to give much credence to these conditions. But brother, has my tune changed. I'm on medication, but I am in a "fibro fog" all the time, I'm so exhausted after work (and it isn't physical) and I live for 5 o'clock. And weekends. Can't forget weekends.

If only I could stay at home. Life would be so much simpler for me. When I can get adequate rest I am good. As it is, I hit a wall every few months and just can't go to work and have to stay in bed all day. Needless to say I am not happy living this way. This day and time it takes both of our incomes to get through the bills and responsibilities. It makes me so sad. My husband is so good to me. He is so very intelligent, well-educated and up until lately, pretty much under-employed. Our area just doesn't pay the big bucks unless you are a doctor, lawyer or Indian chief. But it still isn't enough for us to live comfortably without my income. When I think about slogging through another 5 1/2 years to retirement I could just cry.

Yes, I am terribly depressing today. Pouring my soul out onto a computer screen hoping it will somehow make me feel better about my situation. 

Might as well just quit dreaming of days as a homemaker, taking walks with my son, taking mother to doctor appointments and different places without worrying about taking time off from work, resting when I get tired, cooking good meals for my husband, keeping a clean house, and perhaps taking a water aerobics class and going to the spa pool to alleviate my pain. It isn't going to happen anytime soon. 

Plans! Plans! We have Plans!

Finalized the plans for our Thanksgiving Smokies trip this morning. I am super stoked. We got a lovely rental with a gorgeous view at a lovely price and I am happy as a hog in slop!

My daughter and her husband are coming from Scotland for the holiday and my mother, two sons, Jimmy and I are all going to stay in this big old place and play pool, play cards, cook, eat, soak in the jacuzzi and the hot tub, grill steaks, and get this- we can take my sweet Georgia! And mother can take her furbaby Sarabella! The whole fam damily is going!! For an entire week!!

I want to go to Alewine Pottery and get another piece for my collection while we are there. We have been going to the Smokies for 36 years- before we married!- and I just have started collecting it. How stupid have I been??

This is kind of funny, me typing out this blog, because probably nobody reads it! LOL, well, at least I'll have a diary of sorts to remember what I've done and such!

Monday isn't Funday

Here I am at the start of another work week. Why the day seems longer is beyond me, but it really, really does. Anyway, I am well rested from the weekend. 

Friday afternoon I started freezing along with my sneezing and I had a slight fever. Saturday I drug up and went to the grocery store but came home and stayed in bed all day. I stayed in pajamas all day yesterday, too. My fibromyalgia was acting up something fierce and when it does I just have to STOP and recuperate. So I did and I feel pretty good today. That is a good thing!

Here is a picture of my little girl, Georgia Condoleeza. Isn't she just the sweetest? I am so in love with that dog. She is my baby girl. I love her. Just had to say that this morning. Any sweet little thing that has cuddled with me all weekend deserves to have her picture in my blog!

Here is something that I am glad to report. I did get an apology from the person mentioned a couple of posts ago. That's fine, I accept it. But I am wary. Trust lost isn't so easily returned. But I'm ok and appreciate the apology.

Onward I go into the week! Have a good one, folks.

Loss

Early yesterday morning the Bo peep family lost one of our own. Becky Jo Berlin, a resident of Modesto, CA, passed away in the early morning hours. She had been ill with cancer and her life  was over much too quickly. I wasn't close to her, but she was a spirited, lively, fun-loving person who was bigger than life. She loved Bo, loved the Bo peeps, and came to several of the parties in Nashville. The last time I saw her was at the Christmas party in 2011. She had such a big time at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party we had at BB Kings. I can still see her parading around with those big ugly glasses and her Christmas house shoes! Rest in peace, Becky Jo. You will be missed.

     

The biggest part of this was written last Wednesday, April 10. Debated about posting it, but I have nothing to be ashamed of concerning the paragraph in italics. It is cathartic to write it down. So onward and upward! :)

Thought I'd type this blog in the font Trebuchet. Sounds fancy. 

Yesterday I had a birthday. It was a good one, I'm thankful to be alive and well, but whooo weee, they come around too soon! My family spoiled me really good. I got cake, cookies, necklaces, earrings, candles, flowers, clothes, dishes, and other things I needed. My oldest son drove from Huntsville to take his mama out for lunch. We dined at Los Arcos, a fabulous Mexican restaurant here in town and I got the full birthday treatment, complete with sombrero and singing by the waitstaff. Fun!

I took a trip to Birmingham this past week to spend the weekend with friends and go to a CD release party at a church. We ate (a lot), bowled, picnicked, strolled around town and went to a bead shop. I love spending time with my friends from all over the U.S. Some of the best people you would ever care to meet. It's just sad that I do not get to see them more often.

The truth of the matter is that I am still in kind of a, funk, for lack of a better word. Never in my life have I had such venom spewed in my direction by someone I have always had a good relationship with. My husband and I have never done anything but try to be supportive of him, my husband has gotten him jobs, I have listened and tried to encourage him, but he let go at us and the stuff he said was evil, vindictive and insane. So I am doing something I have never done in my life and that is cutting someone completely out. Lord knows I am not perfect. I try to live my life as a Christian but to have things thrown at me and my family that are untrue and vile is leading me to the decision to shake the dust from my feet concerning him. So on I go down the road of life. I'm going to focus on positive things and not let this person even be a blip on my radar. Life is too short to take unfounded abuse from him. He needs help and I just hope those close to him will make him get it. 


This weekend was a quick one. Hubby had surgery a month ago and he got released from the doctor Friday! Yay! He has done exceptionally well with his rehab and recovery. Saturday night we went to Huntsville to spend time with some good friends and listen to some good music from Bo Bice. Huntsville is his home town and there was a packed house to see him at The Furniture Factory. 

Sunday was spent sleeping for the most part. I love days that I get to do that! Next weekend I've got to get in gear and get everything spring cleaned! I did some Saturday morning but didn't accomplish a fraction of what I want to do. I also want to go to church next weekend in Huntsville at Summit Crossing Community Church. I would give anything if that church was here. It a good little ride, but SO worth it. Check out their app for your smartphone. You can hear past sermons, live streaming of the sermon on Sunday, and all other times you can hear streaming worship sets 24/7. I have heard my son Layke singing (he's on staff there) and yesterday I was fortunate enough to hear him sing Rock of Ages during my lunch break. 

Here is what I want to do all day today. I want to sit on the patio with Ernie, Austin and Toby, pet them, listen to the birds, and smell the wisteria. But I have to go to work. Not complaining. Thankful to have a job!

Monday was a nice day. Things went smoothly at work even though I am down 2 people. Yesterday was good also. Until I got home...our airconditioning unit isn't blowing cool air. *sigh* Here we go. A repairman is supposed to come today. Thank goodness it isn't hot hot yet. We were quite comfortable last night with the windows open.

Seth, my youngest, and I spent time outside last night. That is my place of serenity. Today I did not have time to sit out there before work. It was one of those mornings where I had to go to work, pop tart in hand, with half wet hair! But it's ok. I'm in a good mood, feeling happy.

The bombing in Boston has weighed heavily on me, and the people there and all those affected are in my prayers. 

And if you are a praying person, send some up for Wayne (who is fighting cancer) and Debbie, two friends I love dearly, and some for Becky Jo, who is home with hospice in the last stages of cancer. God be with them. 

Why not try this again??

If you scroll down my blog you will see that I have been totally inept at blogging for the past two years. I enjoy writing and releasing my frustrations out the ends of my fingertips. It seems to make the stress just fall away!

Today is deathly quiet. It's spring break and apparently everyone in town is on vacation with the exception of me and my staff. Dead as a tomb. But that's ok. It'll pick back up with a vengeance before long.

This next Sunday is Easter. It is so cold outside and I'm wondering if it is going to let up before then. When the kids were little I always wished for pretty weather so that they could hunt eggs and wear short sleeves. Most of the time they did. Of course I have no little ones any more, nor do I have grandchildren. Seems like everywhere I turn somebody is popping out a baby. Rachel just got married, Layke isn't married, nor is Seth. I guess I'll have to wait on the grandkid phase of life. If it ever gets here. If not, I'll just remain "too young to have grandchildren". Ha!

Right now in my life I am on a Dark Shadows kick. I started watching the old 1966 series on Netflix. It seemed kind of disjointed when I started watching, and then after researching online I found that Netflix is passing off the second part of Season 2 as Season 1! I am NOT happy about it! Who is the Netflix president? I'm going to write and complain! Every night I turn on my iPad and fall asleep listening to the old soap. It is so slow and stilted and is perfect for nodding off. All of the dramatic music makes me jerk awake sometimes though.

Also in my life I am concentrating on being an advocate for dogs in shelters. I cannot physically go and help, nor can I shell out money, but boy, can I get the word out on Facebook about little animals that need forever homes. Some of them look so lonely and sweet that it absolutely breaks my heart. Nothing in this world gets to me like a little animal with nobody to care for it. I adore my babies.

Since I last wrote in this blog I adopted a little chihuahua/pug mix from a shelter and named her Georgia Condoleeza. Georgie is my sweetheart. She sleeps with me every night. She sits right next to me on the sofa when I'm home, and when I'm not she cozies up to Seth or Jimmy. She plays with her rope, her tire, her old shoes and her latest toy, her skunk butt. Oh, how she loves that skunk butt! Rachel gave it to her.

And since my last writing I have a new Scottish son-in-law. Rachel and Leigh married in November and live in Aberdeen. Rachel is home now getting her visa in order so that she can stay over there permanently. I am so glad to have her home and will be sorry to see her leave. But they say they are coming home every Thanksgiving to visit. All of us are going to go to the Smokies and stay in a cabin and just relax, play games, and watch tv. Leigh loved the Smokies when he was here so I guess he and Rachel will want to go exploring. I'd just as soon stay at Alewine Pottery. Ahh, I love that stuff!

Let's see, I have nothing else much to tell. Layke is living in Huntsville working as a worship leader at Summit Crossing Community Church. He gave up his teaching job here in town to move over there and do that. He seems very happy with his decision. Jimmy is working at Lee Energy Solutions. Seth is no longer at Foodland. They cut his hours down so drastically that we decided that he'd be better off not working for right now. Me? I'm still at the 'berry. On April 4 I will have been here 19 years. Time has flown. I'm ready for 25 years to be here to tell you the truth. There are things Seth and I want to do! I hope and pray that I'll be able to afford to retire and us do them. Jimmy will work forever. He loves it and get so bored when he's at home. He just had shoulder surgery and I couldn't keep him still even right afterwards. 

Time to go. Seth is taking pictures of me and posting them to Facebook. Lord have mercy.