Treadmill?? ME on a treadmill??

I was minding my own business this morning at work when I received a telephone call. A cheery voice said she was calling from Dr. So-and-So's office and I have an appointment scheduled for Monday at 12. Great. The timing couldn't be better (please make note that this is heavily laden with sarcasm), but this is a yearly checkup I have to keep, so I forced a smile and told her I'd be there. But then she sprang it on me...this is the year I have to have the dreaded treadmill test! Has it been two years already?!

Those of you who know me know that I have an aversion to sweat. I remember one time I had a treadmill test and I got off of the thing after several minutes. The little attendant was asking me all these questions, one of which was "Why did you get off right now?" and I replied, dead serious, "I was starting to sweat. And I hate to sweat." She looked at me like I had two heads!

You see, I believe that there is nothing ladylike about sweating. The feeling of liquid pouring down my scalp, between my boobs, into my butt crack is not one I cherish. Ok, I know it's necessary for those who want to be toned and in shape and all fit. I've never aspired to run a marathon. As long as I can get around, climb a moderate number of stairs and walk where I need to walk, I'm good. Call me a slug. I don't care.

This morning I read in our local paper about a girl from here in my town who won a "figure" contest. She competes to show off her toned, lithe body. Ok for her. Not for me, baby. It has taken me years and years to finally accept myself the way I am. I'll NEVER be thin. I'll NEVER have perky boobs and a flat belly and make men stop dead in their tracks when I walk into the room. That's fine. For too many years I hated myself, was self-conscious and had no self-esteem. Back in my 20's I had a lady call me who was selling some kind of diet powder drink and inform me that I was "too pretty to be fat." Needless to say I didn't buy any of her miracle in a can! Hmmm. Maybe I should have and I might be a "figure" contest winner today!! LOL